Autocannibalism

I received a letter from my house insurance company. It's wishing me a happy birthday by my professional name on (4/0) 20lb matte full-bleed party balloon stock. My policy number appears under the date, a privacy notice in spat-out sans 8pt is smeared across the bottom of the message.

There are so many problems with this piece:

• It demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of why we communicate with each other. They are my insurer - I want them to be solid, sober, responsible, and compassionate. I don't care that they can do a mail merge from a database. I want to know that they are on top of my security. They should have a communication that conveys they have a respectful interest in my well-being and hold my personal information in the most discrete manner. Balloon letterhead - they might as well be waving a bottle of tequila and a handgun in our nursery.
• It highlights for me the inequality of our relationship - this company knows my birthday, my address, they've had people through my house and advised me on things to fix. I haven't even been to their office; I'm not even sure where it is. And now I'm not convinced of their good judgment.
• They assume an intimacy without entering a conversation and ignore our existing relationship. We have every reason to talk to each other - I have a home to ensure, and they are my insurer. Ask me about it and offer professional guidance. You had someone in our house who advised us of things we could do to make it safer. You know that I haven't called to update you about that - Ask if that has been completed as it will improve my rates; ask if it would be helpful if they had a reputable contractor they have vetted contact me about that minor repair. Why haven't they called about that, anyway? BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE. And now it's top of mind for me.
  

The net effect is that I feel less secure. How much am I paying for this? Either too much or too little; either way, it's a reminder to CHANGE INSURER. Happy Birthday to me!